I’m feeling a little whimsical today.
As we approach December, I am looking back at the year that was and, for me personally, it was the worst ever.
Losing my beautiful mum to pancreatic cancer and having my darling dad diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s continues to send shockwaves through me … months afterwards, the reverberations still take my breath away and often make me feel physically sick. The tears flow easily and sometimes I’m lost in so much sadness that I struggle to move.
But I do. Eventually.
And what has become clear to me lately is the overwhelming need to make some sense of it all; for it to change me (because surely I can’t be the same after such events?!) and change in ways that honour both of these amazing people who I will always adore.
So I’ve decided the best I can do is live my life to the fullest.
You know, I’m tired of people telling me how busy they are. I’m tired of doing that myself; I’m somewhat of an expert. I used to take an inordinate amount of pride in arriving at work the earliest and leaving the latest and telling everyone about it!
I’m tired of the stress and negativity that it creates and the competitiveness involved as to who is busier and who is more stressed.
So I’m saying “no” to busy and “yes” to life.
When I start early at The Shoe Garden and work long hours that’s because I’m selling lots of gorgeous shoes to gorgeous customers or perhaps working on ways to do that and make my customers’ shopping experience the best it can be.
When I have lots of appointments in my diary it means I’m catching up with friends I love or caring for my dad or yes, even caring for myself.
I think this change of mindset will do wonders for me. No longer is being busy a bad thing or something to show off about or to lament.
I want to embrace life and hug and squeeze it because I now realise how precious it is.
Until next time, Carol & CCx